ACCEPTANCE

He likes her enough to lie to me constantly.

Enough to hurt me.

Enough to leave me.

I know the answers to my questions…

…but all I want is for him to admit it.

He never did.

He never said sorry for that.

He lied.

His feelings must be so strong for her that he can do anything just make her feel special.

Even if that includes hurting me.

That must be love.

That’s how I realized that I have to let go.

He loves her.

I can’t do anything about it. I have to accept that somebody owns his heart. I am ready to accept it now.

It is hard.

But I have to.

I am that girl..

I am the girl who likes burgers and marshmallows. I am the girl who loves to sing and dance. I am the one who talks everything under the sun. The one who will listen to every single story of your life. The one who loves to read books and watch movies. The one who watches American series and Korean Dramas. The one who loves bacon and pizza. The one who dedicates her time to long sleeeeeps. The one who eats like a man. The one who loves long late night conversations. The one who will act like a kid when you are around. The one who wouldn’t mind the things from the past and future. The one who motivates and compliments you. The one who will do anything to make you feel loved and special. The one who is loyal and honest. The one who is strong and weak at the same time. The one appreciates any little thing you give her. The one who is thoughtful and caring. The one who gives all her strength to fight for the one she loves and believes in. I am that girl. I am not perfect, But I know I am more than enough.

Shit.

What will you feel when someone you love so much and someone you expect to love you too,said that he doesn’t love you anymore? Just that. It killed you. It ripped your heart. That felt like you are crushed inside. It’s indescribable. That feelings stay with you wherever you go,whatever you do. You want it to stop but you don’t know how to. You want it to end. I want it to end.

Delete

No matter how hard I try to be mad at you for stopping to love me and care for me,I can’t. I am not asking for you to come back because I know it will never going to happen. I just want you to know that I love you still. I am not going to push myself to you anymore because you want me to stop. I just need to tell you how I feel because it is killing me inside not to tell you. I miss you. And I love you. I don’t know how long this pain will last but I just want it to stop.

Self respect

I forgot to respect myself. I dragged my pride down to its lowest. I pleaded. I settled for a small amount of affection. I realized if you really don’t see my worth,then maybe you are really right. You are not good enough for me. You don’t deserve me. You don’t deserve my love. I will forget the past, the happy memories and laughters. I forgot that I always believe that what truly matters is now. You hurting me. You not wanting to be with me. You being selfish. And you made a pitiful cat wanting for some affection. Begging. Bargaining. I am done now. I am tired. I know I have to stop now. I should start living life without you. I have to respect myself.

Pain

You said you want me to be happy. You said you still love me no matter what. You said I did nothing wrong. But you chose not to stay,you chose to be free from me, you chose to break my heart and you chose to leave. If you truly want me to be happy,you should have stayed, you should have said that we will work this out, we will fight this, we can do it together, we can start all over again and we can be happy as long as we are together. But you didn’t. You don’t want to face this downhill with me.  You don’t want me anymore. I always believed that somehow you will change my mind. You are breaking me but I won’t let it last longer. You chose. You decided. You want a life without me. I will give it to you.

exploring the stratosphere.