Here we go again

2016 was a roller coaster ride for me. It tricked me to become a person who is wiser,tougher and stronger. It made me realized I have to be lost to be found again. Then it just hit me,I am strong when I thought I was weak. All I had to do was look back when I was happier and believe that I can go back there. And I did. I am here. Always finding a reason to smile,to laugh and to love. Smallest things make me happy. Tiniest achievements make me proud. I have people who cares and loves me for who I am. Slowly I am keeping my pace again,finding my happiness with me,enjoying every breath of this so called life. 

Thought 01

You act as if you don’t know me. You act as if we are enemies. I am stupid to feel this way when the only thing I want is to be okay. I know you want your freedom which you have now. Like you always say you wanted it. You grasp for fresh air. Something new. Something that would excite you. It’s like you saying that you just didn’t find yourself happy with me anymore. I am glad you figure it all out. Because I feel empty too. A relationship that is full of broken promises,lies and betrayal was really not worth crying for. Wasting precious time on things that eventually would
tear you apart will just destroy everything that is good and valuable in you. I believe that whatever your real reason is,you are happy you made free from me. Eventually I will be too. I will thank you for giving up on me. I will thank you for not loving me. Because firing me to a job that I know I am good at is the most stupid decision you did in your life. I am good at loving people. Stop saying sorry. Feel sorry for yourself.

ACCEPTANCE

He likes her enough to lie to me constantly.

Enough to hurt me.

Enough to leave me.

I know the answers to my questions…

…but all I want is for him to admit it.

He never did.

He never said sorry for that.

He lied.

His feelings must be so strong for her that he can do anything just make her feel special.

Even if that includes hurting me.

That must be love.

That’s how I realized that I have to let go.

He loves her.

I can’t do anything about it. I have to accept that somebody owns his heart. I am ready to accept it now.

It is hard.

But I have to.

I am that girl..

I am the girl who likes burgers and marshmallows. I am the girl who loves to sing and dance. I am the one who talks everything under the sun. The one who will listen to every single story of your life. The one who loves to read books and watch movies. The one who watches American series and Korean Dramas. The one who loves bacon and pizza. The one who dedicates her time to long sleeeeeps. The one who eats like a man. The one who loves long late night conversations. The one who will act like a kid when you are around. The one who wouldn’t mind the things from the past and future. The one who motivates and compliments you. The one who will do anything to make you feel loved and special. The one who is loyal and honest. The one who is strong and weak at the same time. The one appreciates any little thing you give her. The one who is thoughtful and caring. The one who gives all her strength to fight for the one she loves and believes in. I am that girl. I am not perfect, But I know I am more than enough.

Shit.

What will you feel when someone you love so much and someone you expect to love you too,said that he doesn’t love you anymore? Just that. It killed you. It ripped your heart. That felt like you are crushed inside. It’s indescribable. That feelings stay with you wherever you go,whatever you do. You want it to stop but you don’t know how to. You want it to end. I want it to end.

exploring the stratosphere.